Jan 17 2008
The Beginning
When I woke up this morning…or this afternoon, as people call it, I thought of her again. I cant get her out of my mind. Im so pathetic, I even scoured mirc looking for people to talk to giving my landline number to complete strangers. I wanted to tell her what I did for the evening, as I came from my first dubbing session from ABS-CBN it was part of this workshop im taking now as a voice actor or dubber, or “voice characterization person”. I wanted to tell her how I felt, how the room felt, how the studio was built, because MAN, the equipment was really top notch I almost drooled all over the place. We got to meet the man, or the director of this anime we were dubbing, which was one of blackjack’s OAVs. He was scary at first but my teachers said that he was a fun guy to be with. This is what I want. I wanted to be a dubber for so long now and experience the industry I can just taste it. Me and my classmates from the workshop, 6 in all, 3 people didn’t show up. (Too bad for them).
I may be the loneliest guy in the planet, I don’t know but I just want to experience her again. We lived together for more than a year in this apartment that I’m staying at. If I could just turn back time and experience it all over again.. I would, some would say “ move on, you pathetic bastard” or “why don’t you find someone else” I Just couldn’t do that for now, It sucks, really. When you live alone it really gets to you, the loneliness sometimes is unbearable, I don’t have a regular job right now and when I sleep, that’s when my mind attacks. I just want to forget everything just like the movie Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, where this doctor erases Jim Carrey’s memory of his loved one so that he would not feel any pain, he would not feel anything he would not feel sad and pathetic of the past failed relationships he had. You know its hard going through that, through all the pain the suffering, I just hate her. Hate her for doing this to me , hate her for doing this to us. Even if I know that it’s my fault that she loved me so dearly and proved it time after time, she’s like a ghost in this apartment, full of memories, that’s why I don’t want to move out. I don’t want to move on, even if I meet someone else, (which I have, she left me too) I wouldn’t feel the same way I felt about her.
She laughs with all her heart. She also cried with all her heart.
There was this one time that she wanted me to write a testimonial for her in friendster, I said, yeah ok, but after a few days I didn’t do it, its not that I didn’t know what to write about her its just that there where too many things to write about her I just count decide.
So many things I love about her, the way she does everything is so her style. It hard to describe how she is in words.
But enough about her, it’s always about her anyway, this chapter in my life is not yet complete. Enough for now, I have to do my voice exercises.
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